Is Passion Out the Window?


Editor: One of the best-kept secrets about hearing loss is the degree to which it influences both personal well-being and family relationships. Anything that helps the general public (as well as those affected by hearing loss) become better informed is a good thing. I can’t recommend this book, because I haven’t read it. But even the press release contains some pretty good information!

Is Passion Out the Window Because You Resent Feeding Your Loved One’s Hearing Loss?

8 Steps: How to Go From Resentment to Rekindling Passion

A new book by Clinical Audiologist Richard Carmen, Au.D., helps people find the eight steps that can rekindle passion and stop co-dependent resentment against a loved one’s hearing loss. “How Hearing Loss Impacts Relationships, Motivating Your Loved One” is an Auricle Ink Publishers 2005 spring release.

Sedona, AZ — Did you know that untreated hearing loss is a rising statistic in divorce? That there are more than 28,000,000 Americans with hearing loss, with only 20% seeking help? That 80% of those who are hard of hearing don’t seek hearing aids or any other treatment? That issues surrounding hearing loss are a major contributor toward family friction and unhappiness?

Studies show that hard-of-hearing people who were fitted with hearing aids experienced a 36 percent reduction in depression. Not to mention isolation and a suppressed libido.

Coming to terms with your mission of no longer enabling your loved one by supporting his denial or feeding his hearing loss and instead helping him or her to get help will get back the good life you both once shared, according to Clinical Audiologist Richard Carmen, Au.D., Doctor of Audiology.

Carmen’s new book, “How Hearing Loss Impacts Relationships, Motivating Your Loved One,” provides fascinating insights into the psychological mechanisms behind resistance. Clarified is the essential role family members play in co-dependence, and what they can do to shift their loved one from “struggling to hear” to “hearing independence.” It will inspire readers to make the necessary adjustments in their lives that can result in profound changes and a higher quality of life for everyone.

Are you one of those who are compelled to fill in the conversation blanks, talk louder, or interpret what was said? Then you are an enabler; you are co-dependent. Be aware that, so long as you continue on this path, you are pulling out the carpet of motivation from beneath your loved one, and incurring resentment within the both of you.

Resentment cancels out passion. Here are eight steps to beginning a new life and rekindling the passion your relationship once had.

1. Set new boundaries for yourself. Don’t use your own fear of conflict with your loved one as an excuse to avoid making changes that will benefit you both.

2. Be truthful with yourself and your loved one. Speak from your heart, not from anger, on how this hearing problem impacts you.

3. Be Strong. Don’t fall back into a cycle of “hearing for your loved one” just because he or she expects it, and you can’t bear to see them struggle.

4. Put yourself in their shoes. The need to retain one’s self-image or vanity is often times more important than a need to hear. Try understanding. Remove demands, threats and consequences. Instead, offer choices, options and helpful alternatives.

5. Stop being the messenger. Refuse to do the “he said – she said” dance for your loved one. He or she needs to be aware what they are missing or they will stay complacent, unmotivated to do anything.

6. Stop raising your voice, then complaining you’re hoarse. This results in a stressed throat, injured vocal chords, and your diminished well-being, all leading straight to resentment.

7. Eliminate your need to be right. Dig deep and find a sensitive, compassionate way to broach the topic of seeking treatment.

8. Seek out support. Ask for testimonials from friends and colleagues whose relationships were rekindled when they sought a way to return to the hearing world.

Dr. Richard Carmen’s new book, “How Hearing Loss Impacts Relationships, Motivating Your Loved One,” is available in softcover (107 pages) at most online and brick and mortar bookstores for $15.95.

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